Song #23: Not Enough

Over the past few weeks, I've had conversations with two men - one who is going through a divorce and another who recently did. I kept hearing the same two themes emerge: one, that they were both trying everything they could to do the right thing, hold their marriages together and to show love even as their (ex-)spouse was struggling and/or being destructive; and two, that because their efforts weren't being accepted, it dealt such a heavy blow to their self-worth. Since in this project I had promised to explore all of the angles of love, I felt drawn to flesh out this experience in song, as difficult as that may be.

This was a hard song to write and I'm sure is a hard one to listen to. It's not unlike watching Requiem for a Dream - sitting through it once is probably enough. I had to go deep and get to an emotional space that I've known very well but not really wanted to return to. That said, the purpose of this piece is not in any way to glorify a defeated and self-doubting perspective; in time people move out of this stage and realize their worth is independent of their circumstances. Rather, this is a "snapshot" in time, a musical picture of a dark and raw reality... for the sake of artistic observation as well as catharsis. Almost like being physically ill, sometimes it's only by purging the darkness through expressing it (in writing, in song, in conversation) that we make room for the light and life to return again.

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LYRICS:

She is fading, she's fading fast
And I've felt hurt before, but no hurt quite like this
'cause I see her hanging, she's just hanging on
In my strength, all i have; dear just please take my arm

And I know I can't save you
don't pretend I can
But I can't just stand by and
not extend a hand

But part of me
Hates the part of me
That gives a shit at all

She is struggling, she's scraping by
But she's too damned hardheaded to let me by her side
I am trying, maybe I should stop
When your love is unwelcomed, when do you finally give up?

My shit is not enough (for you)

It is not enough

My love is not enough

My time... not enough

My care... not enough

Love is not enough for you

Love...

Song #22: You Just Are

Friends who have followed my music over the years may possibly recognize this week's song. "You Just Are" is a piece I wrote and performed with the Trev Diesel band 6+ years ago, but since I was never able to record it, I decided to bring it in to the One Love, One Year anthology.

While most of my songs are thematically specific, this is one of the most vague that I've posted. I'm not going to go into specifics about my interpretation of these lyrics except to say this: it isn't so much about human/relational love as it is about the "capital-L" Love that holds the universe together, helps us know who we are and gives our lives direction.

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LYRICS:

seems like only yesterday
we were standing on the frontier of our future
three friends and I taking rides in a beat up old car
and Sammie slinks low in her seat
and turns up the music.
(we think she'll go far
and shoot like a star over this pitiful city)

will you know it when you see it?
will your eyes be opened far
when forever meets you in the present
melting time and space and suddenly
you just are
so love, child, love

and she held on dearly to all that we were
even if at times making us all a little bit batty
and her daddy woke up before the sun did every day
and drove all the way to the city
and now we know, we know what they were living for

Song #21: You (Don't) Complete Me

While it's a romantic notion to consider someone as your "other half", I wonder if that's the healthiest way to live out your days with someone, Jerry Maguire. If a significant other is where you go for soul-level fulfillment or to fill an incomplete void in you, that's a scary setup for both parties and tees the ball up for some major disappointment sooner or later. You've got to find that outside and then re-enter the relationship with strength and an attitude that says "I'm here to give" - otherwise it's just need and codependency and all that messy stuff.

**In order to give credit where it is due, the lyric "You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat" was my inspiration for this song and was penned by writer and good buddy Benjamin Madrid. He blogs song lyrics and other musings HERE - go check him out.

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LYRICS:

You, you don't complete me
But you completely light up my sky
You, you don't fulfill me
But, girl, you thrill me every night

I chose you out of my strength, not out of need
You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat

And everything you are to me is so good,
But I've got a confession
The only way I'm every thing I am to you
Is 'cause I've got a bigger mission

You, you don't make me,
But we'll be ok, see?
Because it's right
It's true that you relieve me
But if you must leave me
I'll be just fine

I chose you out of my strength, not out of need
You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat

And everything you are to me is so good,
But I've got a confession
The only way I'm every thing I am to you
Is 'cause I've got a bigger mission

If there's a void inside your soul
Just know that I will never fill that hole

Song #20: Rise (and Rise Again)

Remember the Choose Your Own Adventure books? There were multiple directions you could take at the end of the chapters, each resulting in different outcomes. In "Amphetamine" (week 12) the singer, after facing the loss of love, totally gave up, shut down and escaped into fantasy. This week I wanted to write an alternate ending.

What would it look like for someone who had once "climatized to a life of loss" found the inner strength to face the pain, overcome obstacles and, with confidence, tread into an uncertain future? What would it look like to take a once dead heart and set it on fire again?

Musically, I'm not sure how you would categorize this song except for experimental. It's different and won't be everyone's cup of tea, but it's what came out.

And besides, if they need a theme song for Rocky VII, I've got them covered.

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LYRICS:

A place for everything, everything in its place
Got it all locked down; going to hold control over all of my space
Ain't gonna rock the boat, going to minimize the pain,
Chain my desire and lock it all away

Well it's fear that holds me down and feigns as safe
And I have played the role of a passive man all of my days
If I'm ever gonna live, gonna have to put that mask away
And rise up from the ashes and take my place

Rise and rise again,
make a lion from this lamb
There's a battle to fight
A war to be won
I'm here to make my stand
With violence I crush my fear
and step out off that ledge
Though bloodied from battle, I will not run,
I rise and rise again

Well I told myself I'd never love again
After being burned, why would I walk into the fire again?
But the time for safe has ended, and it's ending here, today
I rise up from the ashes and stake my claim

Song #19: Through the Eyes

So through the eyes love attains the heart:
for the eyes are the scouts of the heart,
and the eyes go reconnoitering
for what it would please the heart to possess.

[Guiraut De Borneilh]

I was introduced to this poem in Joseph Campbell's Power of Myth series. Its author, Guiraut De Borneilh, was considered the "Master of the Troubadors" - those musician-poets of the 12th century who are historically noted for romanticising love. It's such a beautiful and striking work that speaks deeply and poetically of what draws two individuals together. This week's song is a modern homage to this poem and the original songwriters of love. 

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LYRICS:

She dreamed of truly being seen
When she popped up on my fine-tuned radar screen
I watched her staring back at me
And what happened right then and there is a mystery

For as all true lovers know
It's in our eyes, it's through our eyes
Love is born in seeds of hope,
a perfect kindness
And that root will sprout and grow
Starts in our eyes, it's through our eyes
And this fruit will speak it so
within the silence

This gaze locked hers and that was it
As I mowed her back and through without a flinch
A heart slain, pierced; her deepest wish,
She coyly turned away, as in a kiss

Like a gift unto the heart
The eyes have whispered who you are
The heart draws near what once was far

Song #18: Maps

The labor process of birthing a song this week was the equivalent of pushing out a 15 pounder with no anesthetics. It began with lyrics I had about second chances but after the instrumental tracks evolved, I found that the words and the music did not go together. At all.

And I realized this at 5pm on Sunday.

With only a few short hours left I threw away the previous vocal tracks and attempted to write new lyrics, using two of my friends as sounding boards to help come up with ideas. The music I had written reminded me of a California road trip, so we got to work weaving some lyrics together around that. By the time I had some something in place it was late and I was frustrated, so I recorded the vocal track and called it a night.

All of that said, I in no way feel this song is complete. The chorus words just aren't there, the flow is too chunky and the ending double chorus doesn't work. But I think this song has potential. It just needed more time; perhaps I will revisit it at a later date.

As for now, though, it's time to move on to #19.

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LYRICS:

Black-ribbon road is stretching out
The tank's at two-o-clock; it's getting late
Sundown glow ahead of us
A burning torch that guides and lights our way
The desert wind, your summer dress:
I pretend I'm not staring at your legs
And as the headlights rise like fireflies
It's hard to hide the smile upon my face

Worn maps show us the way back
But not where we're at
I don't think it matters now.
Right here: bare feet on the dash
That way that she laughs
All we need's right here on this side of the glass

We could drive for miles and miles
but we both know that we're already there
This journey is the destination
so where we end up I don't really care

Song #17: Hang

So far in this project I've put my own spin on reggae, alt-country, ballads, old-school R&B, rockers, and more. Yet this week as I was hearing this melody, I knew I had to go a totally new direction that I hadn't touched on yet: club synth-pop. Go ahead and be a hater but don't act like you're not dancing in your recliner right now.

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LYRICS:

can you hang? can you hang with me?
do you have what it takes to try and handle me?
can you feel? can you feel deeply?
'cause I give all I've got and won't take less, see:

I can't give you all the money but you can trust that I will rock your soul - so let go
it will be good, it will be often and when it's through I promise that you will know

hang on for the ride
of your life
if you're going my way you must be able to hang
hang on for the ride
of your life
I know just want I want, I want you,
but only if you can hang

can you respect? will you respect me?
cause I respect myself and won't take less, see
still want in? let's see if you fit
I don't play hard to get, girl I am hard to get

Song #16: Warriors

"Some men will go in once, twice, even three times. But a warrior is in this for good... 'I'm not going anywhere. This is my place in the battle. This is the hill that I will die on.' The universe is so vast and so ageless that the life of one man can only be justified by the measure of his sacrifice." [John Eldredge / others, Wild at Heart]

"Rise and rise again / until lambs become lions" [Robin Hood]

We live in interesting times as it relates to masculinity. On one hand factors like political correctness and new age pop psychology have asked us to tone it down, making men safe, soft... nice. On the other hand there seems to be a resurgence in the reclaiming of timeless masculine virtues such as moral integrity, leadership, character, decision making, presence, adventurousness and dependability.

The thing is, there are so many traps for men. It's simply not hard at all to give into apathy, boredom, going for the easy lay, quick surrender or waiting on others to do what we would not. I've seen men fall all around me, bodies everywhere from poor choices or a lack of presence; Hell, I've fallen myself. The truth is we all make poor decisions. And there's freedom and grace there for sure. The ultimate question is what do we do then?

Fortunately, I've also been blessed to be surrounded with some key men who have intentionally chosen a life of integrity and uprightness, no matter the personal cost. As John Eldredge has written - most men want to be knights, but most do not want to bleed like one. This song is for those who do.

On a production note, this track won't be hitting the pop charts any time soon. It takes nearly 6 minutes to flesh out and is of a quite different scope than what I normally write (except for maybe "The Attic"). That said, it's a perspective that needed to be shared and it took an epic-sized arrangement in order to give it the weight I felt the subject deserved. I wish I had more than a few short hours this week to give this song more attention, but such are the "rules" of this project.

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LYRICS:

when the bullets start to fly and they will
when the passion fires die and they will
when the storm threatens all that is known, what then?
where are the warriors? where are the men?

when the pain casts a shadow on love
when the fruit dangles just within reach above
when all around they're taken down in their sin
where are the warriors? where are the men?

and they will be called oaks of righteousness

when a wife is growing tired of being used
when she longs to have her heart be pursued
when all hope is drying up once again
where are the warriors? where are the men?

while the world looks for a leader to steer,
lesser men are taking shelter in fear
who will rise and go to fight or defend?
where are the warriors? where are the men?

and they will be called oaks of righteousness

---

what's your heart worth to you?
where's your peace of mind?
either way you're going to lose sleep
but you lose less when you do things right

we will stand; we will not be moved

we are the warriors

---

and they will be called oaks of righteousness

Song #15: Give It Anyway

Someone once told me: "love is not 50-50; it's not even 100-100. It's 100-0." Maybe. It's certainly noble, and it's the very definition of unconditional love: I expect nothing in return. My loving you has nothing at all to do with me or my needs, it's all about the betterment of you. It's the giving - never in spite of or in injury towards self, but rather with any notion of return completely unconsidered.

A friend of mine asked me recently, "What is the fine line between being a devoted unconditional loving partner and a doormat?" I don't propose to fully know how to answer that question or want to unpack it here, but it has something to do with one's intention or motivation. In this song, a couple have been awarded wisdom after many years together doing what Andy Stanley calls "putting your deal before my deal." Everyone at their core is looking out for #1. What is the only way around that while still maintaining long-term relationships? The resolve of commitment and the decision of grace.

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LYRICS:

We're learning to live in grace
We're learning to give when it's all been given away
When the well has run dry, or the tank has no space
We give it anyway

Another year, a quicker pace
Another war, an older face
Have things our way and plead our case
Or serve and die to ourselves and finish the race

We're learning to live in grace
We're learning to give when it's all been given away
When the well has run dry, or the tank has no space
We give it anyway

Because we know; that we could love
and be loved by anyone
It's in our choice; we'll tie this knot
And decide to love, love the one we've got

We're learning to live in grace
We're learning to give when it's all been given away
When the well has run dry, or the tank has no space
We give it anyway

And though it often takes hard work to patch up all these holes and splintered cracks
There is a cement that holds, unbreakable that runs along the back

We're learning to live in grace
We're learning to give when it's all been given away
When the well has run dry, or the tank has no space
Give it anyway; give it anyway

Song #14: It's Ok

I've always found it odd to see a couple who were once crazy for one another grow to become enemies in the end. No doubt there are often real reasons for that, but just as often that rage is simply a defense mechanism. After all, if a scorned lover's feelings are not reciprocated, it's easier to demonize the other person than to live with the pain of rejection.

Thankfully at this point in my life, this isn't my personal reality. But I really had fun this week climbing into this character's shoes and stirring up some longing mixed with gritty vindictiveness. And for some reason with this theme I felt the need to set it to a 60's R&B style - complete with flute and strings.

Waiter, I'll have a plate of Unrequited Love with a side of Bitterness. ;-)

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LYRICS:

it's ok, I get it
this is all for the best
we're just growing in different directions
it is what it is... (I guess...)

you deserve to be happy (you tell me all the time)
I deserve to be blessed
we'll just do that in separate locations
from now on... (I guess...)

you have given me your thousand reasons why
we should now give up the fight
but I... oh I

I don't know how to give up on you
I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through
but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye
thanks for making that easy to do

no it's ok I'm not bitter
I'm ok, can't you tell?
(it's just the fruit of your vine makes me break out in hives,
and with each passing day I get colder as well)

see I have learned that just to get by
to only look at those things that I don't like

I don't know how to give up on you
I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through
but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye
'cause you're making that easy to do

it's ok, I get it
I'm ok, can't you tell?

Song #13: Dive In

"Natural forces flow between two poles. The north and south poles of the earth create a force of magnetism. The positive and negative poles of your electrical outlet or car battery create an electrical flow. In the same way, masculine and feminine poles between people create the flow of sexual polarity." {David Deida}

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LYRICS:

wet from the shower and dancing alone
she hops on the bed there and picks up her phone
she is pecking a text in and painting her toes
slick with a gloss that's between red and rose

she laughs easy and often; keeps herself in check
she can slay with a look, or endear with a kiss
she is certainly woman, a hot fired gun
a feminine blessing that glows like the sun

and somewhere deep within this man
where hunger, sex and power begin
a primal passion's begging me to merge

and dive in
and dive in

I'm a man, I'm not sorry; I am just what she needs
to blow her world open to places she's never been
and she knows she can't play me or fight till I fold
but like a haven or harbor, she is safe here - safe and at home

from somewhere deep within her heart
she breathes the strength that I impart
a passion stirs and begs her to merge

and dive in
and dive in

a force of passion arcs between
creates the sparks we feel and see
the you, the me become the we
we come together and dive in

and dive in
and dive in

Song #12: Amphetamine

The character in this song seems to have climatized to a life of loss. Like any of us, of course he doesn't desire brokenness but his attitudes and beliefs attract it time and again. And time and again, instead of dealing with these things head on, he tends to default to two coping mechanisms: self-medication and running away. "Amphetamine" is a dark song about a shell of a man, hardly someone worth admiring. And yet there's sympathy there, knowing that we all deal with loss and difficulty in our own variations of these ways. Part of me wants to scream at him - "it's worth the risk" - but he'll either toughen up and figure that on his own... or he won't.

On a production note, this is the first song so far that I've directly worked with another individual in the creation process. Music college friend, writing partner and excellent songwriter/performer Joe Aielli had the piano intro and idea for this song years ago. We've worked it on and off for a while but I knew when I began this love-themed writing project, this song would have to be revisited and finished.

Oh, and please swing by Joe's page and become a fan of his well-crafted music: www.facebook.com/joeaielli

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LYRICS:

she called me in and said I'm leaving
just like so many girls before
and once again I think that love, it ain't the answer
'cause what's united can be torn

friends and lovers, ya who needs 'em?
it just hurts too much to say goodbye anymore
well i've got all the ways I need to ease the pain
and they come out to play when it begins to storm

I think love is an amphetamine running through my head
just a high that becomes tomorrow's tears
I think love is an amphetamine,
so now I'm on my way until it all just disappears

as the dust blows up behind me
I can't think about all the people I left behind
what you call love I call the thing that trips me up
I'd rather move ahead alone and undefined

yes, I think love is an amphetamine running through my head
just a high that becomes tomorrow's tears
I think love is an amphetamine,
so now I'm on my way until it all just disappears

and when I take the pill I'm standing on top of the world
unconscious to the crowd below
but without fail, in time, I always come crashing down
it lifts me up and leaves me low

will i always think love is an amphetamine?
will i ever let anyone draw near?
see I think love is an amphetamine
so now I'm on my way until it all just disappears
you may live in love, but I live in fear
so I'll get the hell on out of here

Song #11: All of It

Turn on any pop radio these days and you're likely to hear Bruno Mars crooning about how his girl is "amazing... just the way [she is]." While it's a great song, what irks me is that he praises only her wonderful qualities and how great he makes her feel. The thing is - once you get past the initial stages of dating, no one is all bubbles and unicorns all the time - even the most beautiful woman on the planet. Once lusty attraction turns into a committed relationship, some of the more... hidden... sides of our character start to rear their heads. This is where love begins to replace lust: when we begin to accept and even love ALL that makes someone who they are, rough edges and all.

I thought it'd be fun to write an honest song that challenged the Bruno Mars track - praising a lover's "shadow side" and loving someone TRULY "just the way they are."

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LYRICS:

I could write a thousand lines
about your hair, about your smile
it's true you are beautiful the way that you are
but we've all got our shadow side:
bad mood and fears and age-worn lines
and just as many times as you make me laugh,
you can be a real pain in the ass

your tears mix with makeup and create a mess
you're out late with friends sending drunken texts
you kick back at home in old baggy sweats
and I just can't get enough of you

and I choose all of it
I'll take all of you
if it weren't for all of it,
you wouldn't be you,
and I wouldn't know what to do

the worst thing I could ever dream
is your compromising anything for me
you were fine before you even knew my name
so don't you dare go change a thing
or settle for less than amazing
and I promise you that I'll do the same

so what if it's been months since you touched a broom
and damn girl if you can't clear a room
I just can't get enough of you

and I choose all of it
I'll take all of you
if it weren't for all of it,
you wouldn't be you,
and I wouldn't know what to do

you sure clean up nice when you go out to dance
but I like you in that tank top and those yoga pants
it's safe to say I'm your biggest fan
and I just can't get enough of you

I choose all of it
I'll take all of you
If it weren't for all of it,
you wouldn't be you,
and I wouldn't know what,
no i wouldn't know what to do

Song #10: I See You Sitting There

"A child's spirit is like a child, you can never catch it by running after it; you must stand still, and, for love, it will soon itself come back."
(Arthur Miller)

One Saturday afternoon I was watching my five-year-old daughter playing and realized I had never written a song for her. I grabbed my guitar and a pen and "I See You Sitting There" was written right there on the spot.

NOTE: I'm cheating a bit on my rule of writing one NEW song each week, as I wrote this piece several months ago. When I initially finished this, I shared it with a few of my close friends, but am now finally releasing it publicly since I've been on vacation for the holidays.

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LYRICS:

I see you sitting there
In your painted chair
You've got your dolls out
Fingers in your mouth

I see you sitting there
In your ballet tights,
it's almost time to say goodnight

And when I catch your eyes
I can see that life's worthwhile
Couldn't be more proud of you
And your precious smile

I never knew I could fall in love
so quickly, so fiercely with someone
You are my favorite blessing from God

I see you dancing there
Twirling around the chairs
It nearly makes me cry
You got your mama's eyes
And your pretty face
Is lighting up the room

I know it's cliche to say it:
But I don't know when you got so big
Makes me want to hold on to just this moment
It too will go with the wind

I never knew I could fall in love
so quickly, so fiercely with someone
You are my favorite blessing from God

Sweetheart when you get older,
I will still remember all these times

I see you lying there
You got your PJs on
One foot hanging out
From that ratty old blanket you drag along
I say a prayer for you
And kiss you on the head

I never knew I could fall in love
so quickly, so fiercely with someone
You are my favorite blessing from God

Song #8: Wild Abandon

"The whole business of love is to drown in the sea."
[Rumi, 13th century Persian mystic & poet]

I'm starting to see how self-consciousness, fear and reservation are all enemies of love. Sometimes we frown upon people who live wide open and want them to "get themselves together" or to "listen to reason" - but passion can't be reasoned with. I know I've had those thoughts - and I'm starting to wonder if perhaps it's jealousy? This song tells the story of a woman who lives and loves to the fullest... refusing to play it safe... no holding back. I think we all want to be a little more like that.

LYRICS: reason knows the way
yet she is always lost
reason runs away
but she can't get enough
she's drowning in this love
swallowed up by the sea

reason takes a break
she wants to go again
reason shies from pain
she takes it on the chin
she's drowning in this love
swallowed up by the sea

and naturally
she just wants to be
swept beneath, yes
reckless and free with
wild abandon, wild abandon
she is the shade and love is the tree
if she ain't free it's all for nothing
wild abandon, wild abandon

when reason calls out, "no"
she replies, "I must"
reason turns the nose
her passion is a musk
she's drowning in this love
swallowed up by the sea

and naturally
she just wants to be
swept beneath, yes
reckless and free with
wild abandon, wild abandon
she is the shade and love is the tree
if she ain't free it's all for nothing
wild abandon, wild abandon

and secretly
we all want to be
swept beneath, yes
reckless and free with
wild abandon, wild abandon
we are the shade and love is the tree
if we ain't free it's all for nothing
wild abandon, wild abandon

no holding back, no holding back

Song #6: The Attic

"Anything worthwhile takes effort."

One of the easiest traps to fall into in life is that slow disintegration into drifting. You know what I mean: it's that place of cruise-control, of reacting instead of acting, of going through the motions. Unless we consciously intend to live and love "on purpose", gravity tends to pulls us into that old sinkhole time and again.

Sometimes we're fortunate enough to get a wake-up call - whether that comes from some sort of internal a-ha moment or perhaps more commonly from an unexpected outside event. In "The Attic", the narrator has just such an experience after stumbling across a box of momentos that had been tucked away.

Musically, this song is a bit unorthodox and experimental. It doesn't follow a normal song format, nor does it really have a hook or even a real chorus. Maybe we could best describe it as "a short story set to music."

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LYRICS:

brown banged up boxes,
all taped and stacked up
pull one to the ground
and blow off the dust
let's see what I can find...

well, here's that old album
with pictures of us
and scraps of old letters
professing our love
the remnants of a life

I can see what we had
but look how I've been
I guess I just didn't feel prepared for this
It's all passing me by

it's said, life is what happens while we make our plans
remember when we said we'd always hold hands?
(but) the urgent trumped the day, and exhaustion, the night

my God, I have been entrusted with so very much
it's lovely and good but I didn't keep up
somewhere we got lost and failed to try

I can see what we had
but I know what I've been
I guess I just didn't feel prepared for this
somewhere I got lost and failed to try

----

well no more, no more
from here on I put my best foot forward
I don't want to take you for granted
well no more, no more
it's time that my own heart I restore
I don't want to take you for granted, again

tonight when I see you I'm gonna ask you to dance
and show you I still have the time for romance
I'm still amazed and you should know it

so I restack the box and climb back down the stairs
and find myself grateful for all that we've shared
you have my heart and it's past time I show it

Song #5: I Want Love

"The natural man has only two primal passions, to get and beget."
[William Osler]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

if I could be honest
if I could tell the truth
I am getting bothered
by the thought of you

just don't you forget
that I am a man
and I have needs too

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

so reach out and touch me
or I will make a move
I am right here, hungry
I have an ache to soothe

there just aren't words
to say how much I burn
but I'd be glad to show you

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

I am haunted by the scent
of the back of your neck
why are you so damn far away?
I feel like reaching out to you
and pouring me out
could you come over and stay?
why don't you come and stay?
'cause I need you now...

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

Song #3: Behind the Scenes

Intimacy is nakedness. Letting someone in to see our true, unpolished selves takes trust and transparency. It's a beautiful thing indeed when in that vulnerability we find ourselves accepted, flaws and all.

"Behind the Scenes" was inspired by a conversation I had with a good friend. The first stanza is based on an analogy he mentioned in passing. I was inspired, took it from there and ran with it.

Make sure you let it play through the bridge [2:45]: that's where things really pick up!

PLAY:

CLICK HERE to download this song for free

LYRICS:

there is a stage and there is a curtain
outside's the show, but hey don't you know:
that behind the scenes things ain't what they seem
the cards are all shown, the tricks are exposed

we do our dance, we put the act on
out under bright lights, out on the stage
but all that's the show, there's something secret
behind the scenes, come back with me

when the lights go down 
and the walls come down
and there is an ending to all the pretending
I'll let you in
come see my sin
where all is uncovered is where the true lovers live

let's take it off, take off the makeup
take off our clothes, 'til all is exposed
I'll show you mine, if you show me yours
back behind the scenes, where it's just you and me

when the lights go down  
and the walls come down 
and there is an ending to all the pretending 
I'll let you in 
come see my sin 
where all is uncovered is where the true lovers live

a place of refuge where naught is forbidden
where trust is drunk freely and nothing is hidden
where you can be you without bullshit pretension
where baggage is welcome and girl did I mention
that behind the curtain there's no condescension
we'll reveal more than a stripper convention
and no matter what you still get my attention
I guess that's what love's all about 

when the lights go down  
and the walls come down 
there is an ending to all the pretending 
I'll let you in 
come see my sin 
where all is uncovered is where the true lovers live

Song #2: Alone

"One is the loneliest number..."

What I find most interesting about "Alone" is not the way in which the character "uses" love, but that he's self-aware enough to be doing so consciously. A rather somber exploration of isolation, loneliness and loss of identity.

PLAY:

CLICK HERE to download this song for free

LYRICS:

One love that started to fade
He moved towards her and she moved further away
Now he's left standing

He's never known himself all alone
When she's gone, he doesn't know
who he is

"I loved you for who that made me
And I know that that's not healthy
Oh God, no... it seems I don't like me
when I'm left standing alone"

As long as there's her, it masks all the pain
Devious voices inside, they whisper his name
In deafening silence

Now without, his head in his hands,
Forced to peek inside  
at the dragons within

"I loved all them because they saved me
And I know that that's not healthy
But still though, I need them to like me
I can't stand being alone"

Now what is this?
New eyes look his way
He feels again, his worth from within
He's got his fix, there's fire in his veins
He knows again he's claimed
And everything's OK

"I love you because you'll take me
And I know that that's not healthy
But just hold me and don't you leave me
Anything but just not alone"

Let Me Tell You A Story...

One of the cool things about this project is the ability to be a storyteller. In writing 52 songs over the course of a year, there's no possible way for them to all be "about me." It's true that some of my personal experiences will color my writing, but I look at each song as narrative. Each will have it's own characters, it's unique perspective, it's own rules: in essence, each composition is a microcosmic universe. When you read a novel, the author may have his or her voice, but the contents of the novel are separate. My angle on songwriting this next year will be similar in tone.

A friend of mine recently told me that he heard a musician say, "When I found out that every song I write doesn't have to be about me, it changed everything." So I look forward to stepping out of my own shoes and into those I've never been in before - those of friends, of archetypes, of myth, of people I see around me - and to see what can be uncovered as it relates to the topic of love.

I'll be posting my next song (or should I say 'story') tomorrow night. It's a bit of a doozy but I think it turned out beautifully. As my 6-year-old daughter said, "That's the saddest song I've ever heard. Turn it off, Daddy, I'm going to cry."  So I guess you have THAT to look forward to... ;-)