Song #42: Disappear

"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
[Abraham Cowley]

LYRICS:

Look at me,
I've got my shit together
I am a winner, a picture of health
but what no one sees deep below the surface
is a cavern, the cold hard walls of a well

For a time I was better, well on my way
A little bit stronger, a little more life each day
But all the momentum I thought I had gained
slows to a halt when someone speaks your name

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

When you both live in the same small town
You can't help but see each other around
I have that old crusty wound that almost heals
But then I catch your eyes and it all at once starts to peel

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

As much as I would like to move on,
it ain't happening
But if I can pretend that you're gone,
there's a respite from all the battling in my mind

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe, maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

...but most times I wish you'd just appear
And wreck all of my plans for this year
Cause when I said my love was sincere
Well, I still mean it

Song #2: Alone

"One is the loneliest number..."

What I find most interesting about "Alone" is not the way in which the character "uses" love, but that he's self-aware enough to be doing so consciously. A rather somber exploration of isolation, loneliness and loss of identity.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

One love that started to fade
He moved towards her and she moved further away
Now he's left standing

He's never known himself all alone
When she's gone, he doesn't know
who he is

"I loved you for who that made me
And I know that that's not healthy
Oh God, no... it seems I don't like me
when I'm left standing alone"

As long as there's her, it masks all the pain
Devious voices inside, they whisper his name
In deafening silence

Now without, his head in his hands,
Forced to peek inside  
at the dragons within

"I loved all them because they saved me
And I know that that's not healthy
But still though, I need them to like me
I can't stand being alone"

Now what is this?
New eyes look his way
He feels again, his worth from within
He's got his fix, there's fire in his veins
He knows again he's claimed
And everything's OK

"I love you because you'll take me
And I know that that's not healthy
But just hold me and don't you leave me
Anything but just not alone"