Song #42: Disappear

"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
[Abraham Cowley]

LYRICS:

Look at me,
I've got my shit together
I am a winner, a picture of health
but what no one sees deep below the surface
is a cavern, the cold hard walls of a well

For a time I was better, well on my way
A little bit stronger, a little more life each day
But all the momentum I thought I had gained
slows to a halt when someone speaks your name

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

When you both live in the same small town
You can't help but see each other around
I have that old crusty wound that almost heals
But then I catch your eyes and it all at once starts to peel

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

As much as I would like to move on,
it ain't happening
But if I can pretend that you're gone,
there's a respite from all the battling in my mind

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe, maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

...but most times I wish you'd just appear
And wreck all of my plans for this year
Cause when I said my love was sincere
Well, I still mean it

Song #14: It's Ok

I've always found it odd to see a couple who were once crazy for one another grow to become enemies in the end. No doubt there are often real reasons for that, but just as often that rage is simply a defense mechanism. After all, if a scorned lover's feelings are not reciprocated, it's easier to demonize the other person than to live with the pain of rejection.

Thankfully at this point in my life, this isn't my personal reality. But I really had fun this week climbing into this character's shoes and stirring up some longing mixed with gritty vindictiveness. And for some reason with this theme I felt the need to set it to a 60's R&B style - complete with flute and strings.

Waiter, I'll have a plate of Unrequited Love with a side of Bitterness. ;-)

PLAY:



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LYRICS:

it's ok, I get it
this is all for the best
we're just growing in different directions
it is what it is... (I guess...)

you deserve to be happy (you tell me all the time)
I deserve to be blessed
we'll just do that in separate locations
from now on... (I guess...)

you have given me your thousand reasons why
we should now give up the fight
but I... oh I

I don't know how to give up on you
I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through
but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye
thanks for making that easy to do

no it's ok I'm not bitter
I'm ok, can't you tell?
(it's just the fruit of your vine makes me break out in hives,
and with each passing day I get colder as well)

see I have learned that just to get by
to only look at those things that I don't like

I don't know how to give up on you
I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through
but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye
'cause you're making that easy to do

it's ok, I get it
I'm ok, can't you tell?