Song #52: I Will

"Omnia vincit Amor" [Virgil]

Here we are: week 52, the sunset, the finish line, the final song. Next week I'll be back with a recap on One Love, One Year but this week I'm going to refrain from saying too much and let this song speak for itself. I believe these lyrics, in their almost elementary simplicity, say enough.


LYRICS:

In your youth, dear, while you are able-
young and dancing upon the tables
I will be here
I will love you
I will

While you serve your purpose and live your passions
And share your love light with all the masses
I'll support you
I will love you
I will

When you need a challenge and a firm hand
or would rather be held, let me hold your head
I will lead you
I will love you
I will

When you can't do it and you need some help
When our bodies slow down with ailing health
I will be there
and I will love you
I will

And when we're old, dear, and it all fades
And you can no longer dance upon this stage
I will carry you
I will carry you
I will

Song #50: Deranged

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Most people think of love as full of light, joy and positivity. But there is a darker side, that of obsession, craving, intense desire and even torment. Not that those are "bad" things; they are in fact quite delicious... a "burning, yearning devotion" that is felt very deeply.

I don't know whether my mind was subconsciously picking up on all the spooky vibes this time of year or whether it's a cool coincidence, but the fact that Halloween is this week makes this song's lyrics and musical vibe timely and appropriate. Happy Halloween, y'all. I don't have any candy but here's a song for you...

PLAY:

LYRICS:

i am affected, call it wrecked, kid
i am obsessively, madly out of my he-ead
i'm goin' crazy, the way she slays me
i'd make u jealous if I told you how she plays me

it keeps building and building and building up,
and now the volcano's about to erupt
bewitching; she's got me wishing
for an end to all the love spells that she's dishing

what sort of cosmic commotion did i make to deserve this
(that) even when she's gone i am haunted by her ghost?
a boon to give my life back; resurrect my heart
she's a goddess or a demon and either way i'm toast

i'm not superstitious but the jist is
she is enchanting and magically delicious
where did she come from? man I don't know
maybe above... maybe below...

i'm unhinged, unzipped, unbalanced, unglued,
she drives a brother batty and I think that I'm screwed
but i like it, i'll take the pain,
even if i end up quite deranged

Song #48: Take Everything

The essence of "Take Everything" is the offering of oneself as a gift to a partner. This could be seen as a purely sexual song, but my intentions were far wider. This type of offering isn't of the self-effacing variety that is born out of weakness - where one is depleting him/herself as a way to solicit approval. Rather it is an invitation from strength, where no matter how much is taken, one's fullness remains. That takes art and mastery, but I believe it is possible.

as deep as deep as deep as deep as you want to go
it goes down deeper, come on in, seeker
it's free, it's free, it's free, it's free, for just you alone
drink all you want to, i know that you want to

take all that you need
here lies the banquet feast
only when you're full can you leave

i want you to have it all
take anything
take everything
push until you've hit your wall
and see that i
have lost nothing

i pour and pour and pour and pour
'till you get your fill
but that doesn't phase me, it's all for your taking
so take and take and take and take
'til you can't take more
i promise you baby, won't stop 'till you're shaking

Song #47: More

"Believe you deserve everything you dream about." -Anon

This track is yet another change in pace - a sensual, haunting downtempo piece about receiving more than you can ask or imagine.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

is it too bold to say
my life has been changed
all from the way
that you have made me believe?
it makes no sense to pray
when something so great
something I can't explain
is more than this mind could conceive

is there more?
pick me off the floor
could I take any more?
i can't wait to see

what i see you see
when i breathe you breathe
when i take the lead
you melt right into me
could you tell me again
where i end, where you begin
and i can't believe
it's happening

is there more?
pick me off the floor
could I take any more?
i can't wait to see

Song #46: Whatever the Dream

"Life is just a funny dream,
and someday I'll share this dream with you..."
[Trey Anastasio, Ether Sunday] 

This week I had the pleasure of cowriting with friend/manager/bandmate Tom Crenshaw, reworking one of his poems into a psychadelic, George Harrison-esque song of hope, cycles and new beginnings.

*Painting by Marc Chagall

PLAY:

LYRICS:

I've been trying to find you,
trying to find you
You've been trying to find me,
trying to find me
All that I'm searching for - is searching for me
trust and we'll see

There's a season to come
a season to come
Rain, it follows the sun
follows the sun
Sunshine follows the rain, night into day
trust in this way

And if I had dreamed this differently
would it be any easier to believe?

Let whatever may come
whatever may come
Dream whatever the dream
whatever the dream
Close and yet far away, near as the end
to where we begin...

And if I had dreamed this differently
would it be any easier to believe?

Song #45: Fireball

I knew that I had come face to face with someone whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself.
[Oscar Wilde]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

There are thousands of beautiful girls, thousands of shallow pools,
but with her it's different, with her - she's endlessly cool
I think about her all of the time, I recognize the worth in her eyes
And each time we connect we go deeper than we thought we could

She's a fireball, a tempest storm, but I won't quit, no
'Cause I am up for the challenge, gonna show her I can handle it
So let's go, let's go

I had started to lose faith in the world,
didn't think that it made this kind of girl
But then she came out of nowhere and changed up all of the rules
It is gonna take a strong kind of man,
To stand firm while she does her dance
And while others couldn't make it, I am gonna prove that I can

She's a fireball, a tempest storm, but I won't quit, no
'Cause I am up for the challenge, gonna show her I can handle it
So let's go, let's go

I'm longing
to know her heart, to love her flaws,
to touch her body, to shatter her walls
I am all the way in, I won't flinch,
she's worth the fight, she's worth my time,
when you're given a gift, you treat it right

She's a fireball, a tempest storm, but I won't quit, no
'Cause I am up for the challenge, gonna show her I can handle it
So let's go, what are we waiting for?

Song #42: Disappear

"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
[Abraham Cowley]

LYRICS:

Look at me,
I've got my shit together
I am a winner, a picture of health
but what no one sees deep below the surface
is a cavern, the cold hard walls of a well

For a time I was better, well on my way
A little bit stronger, a little more life each day
But all the momentum I thought I had gained
slows to a halt when someone speaks your name

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

When you both live in the same small town
You can't help but see each other around
I have that old crusty wound that almost heals
But then I catch your eyes and it all at once starts to peel

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

As much as I would like to move on,
it ain't happening
But if I can pretend that you're gone,
there's a respite from all the battling in my mind

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe, maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

...but most times I wish you'd just appear
And wreck all of my plans for this year
Cause when I said my love was sincere
Well, I still mean it

Song #40: (Stay In Your) Embrace

"Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you."
[Jacques Prévert, poet/screenwriter]

As Mr. Prévert says, there is nothing quite like the closeness and intimacy found in lingering in timeless, affectionate embraces. Still, at some point you've gotta get up and get back to living. This song suggests the romantic notion that even though apart, you're still held in that person's embrace.

The lyrics this week were co-written by writer/actor/artist (and good friend) Benjamin Madrid, whose poem (Stay In Your Embrace) provided the inspiration - and many of the lines - for this song.

Musically this track is a throw-back to the 80's radio pop ballads that many of us grew up with (a la Genesis / Phil Collins / Peter Gabriel). It just might transport you back to 1986 if you're not careful...

PLAY:

LYRICS:

Sometimes in your embrace
I leave my body and walk outside,
Peer in the window, watch us lying face to face
Faded lines remain where the tears have dried

I could take that scene anywhere
The room could change all over
the outside of it too
Another house, another city, it doesn't matter, there's you
The distances between are only lies

Let's get to dancing
We can't always lay around
But now that I know what I have found
I'll walk the wire and not look down
As long as I can still
Stay in your embrace

We can let the aging take it's toll
Watch my hair turn grey, I'll watch your skin turn old
Another time, another setting, it doesn't matter I'm told
When you're hanging on so tight you can't let go

Song #39: Namaste

It seems to me that the people who have the most success in their relationships don't just have love for their intimate partners, but for everyone and all things. Love, for them, is central to their identity and actions; their way of relating to the world they live in.

As folks familiar with yoga and/or Indian culture may know, the term Namaste is a greeting from India that is roughly translated as "the light in me recognizes (or bows to) the light in you." With that in mind, here's a song for those who are open to the love/light that is all around us.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

she wonders:
"why let ancient myths and legends tell you who you are?"
when none of these things truly resonate
within her heart

Since day one she's always been told
she's never been - at her core -
never been good enough
everyone outside of her is telling her
that what's inside of her and every man
is darkness

but when she looks all around
all she sees is alright
she finds goodness and uncorrupted love
within all

Namaste
Namaste
Namaste
the light in me is the light in you

he wonders:
"why give people shit just because of the way they are?"
he hears stories of oppression
and they break his childlike heart

'Cause when he looks all around
all he sees is all one
he finds goodness and uncorrupted love
within all

Namaste
Namaste
Namaste
the light in me is the light in you

the light in me is the light in you
the love in me is the love in you
the heart in me is the heart in you
the light in me is the light in you

Song #38: Known

"Known" is a simple little song juxtaposing the desire to be loved with the desire to give love. Because of its atypical form you could maybe say it's more of a short tone poem than a pop song.

LYRICS:

to be known
to be loved
to be cherished
to be witnessed
to have someone
that knows your soul
knows your weakness
knows your deepness
to be understood
to know you count
to be lost
and then be found
to be held close
to be let go
to be known

to be the one that knows
to be love
and to cherish
and to witness
to have someone
whose mind you blow
despite their weakness
and from your deepness
to understand
to show they count
and when they're lost
search 'till they're found
to know when to hold
when to let go
to be the one that knows

Song #36: Bliss (You Take Me There)

Love has the capability of taking us - or rather opening us - further than we could ever hope to go on our own.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

There's a bliss that most will never know
There's a depth that most will never go
There's a place for which the angels groan
Now I know, I know

You take me there

There's a touch, makes me glad to be alive
There's a path into the heart of God
There's a taste thick like the richest spice
Now I know, I know

You take me there

Going deeper, pure surrender
Going deeper, pure surrender

You take me there

Song #34: Disease

"Of course it don't feel right! What has felt right for you doesn't work! You need to try some wrong, dawg!" [The 40-Year Old Virgin]

This is a song about tiring of doing good. It's from the perspective of someone who's grown weary of playing by the rules, being spoon-fed other people's expectations and - in keeping with the intent of this project - being in a relationship that is outwardly "right" (in the opinions of others), but inwardly lifeless. After all there are some experiences life holds for those who are adventurous enough to color outside the lines.



I don't want to choose health
I'm living life on my knees
I feel I'm gagging on good
I crave a little dis-ease
Try to wheel me in,
Lock me up in a cell
But I ain't looking for a cure,
I wouldn't pay to be well

I feel a wicked, sly smile
crawling up on my face
There's something sick inside
Way down low like the bass
I feel it pulse within
Like the beat of this song
And if lovin' you is right
Well then I want to be wrong

They all think they know best
Tell me just what I need
And I played along
For forever it seems
But see I've caught a bug
An infectious disease
And now I see you're just too good,
t-t-too good for me

Does it hurt? Does it hurt when I do this?

Song #33: Without a String

Inspiration often shows up unexpectedly. Take this week for instance. A new friend of mine happened to share this quote with me during a conversation:

“Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just won't adhere to any rules. The most any of us can do is to sign on as its accomplice. Instead of vowing to honor and obey, maybe we should swear to aid and abet. That would mean that security is out of the question. The words 'make' and 'stay' become inappropriate. My love for you has no strings attached. I love you for free.” [Tom Robbins]

I knew instantly I needed to use it for song fodder. Almost every image and idea in this song is extracted directly from this quote, put into a blender and spit out as an acoustic reggae-rock sing-along jam.

PLAY:

CLICK HERE to download this song for free

LYRICS:

It can't be chained
No telling where it's been
There aren't bars so strong
to keep this outlaw in

Won't play your stupid games
Won't follow any rules
No way to nail it down
Makes wisdom play the fool

There is no certainty,
No sure security;
All that is vanity;
It's done without a string.

Defies authority,
A statement of liberty,
Will fight until it is free;
It's done without a string.

Goes where it wants; don't try to stop it
The best we can do is to be love's accomplice

Song #31: Alexandria

"Well behaved women seldom make history." [Laurel Thatcher Ulrich]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

You blaze ways with a smile on your face
And when we reach downtown you reach for the paint
Alexandria
The street musicians all know your name
And the gamble is certainly worth the game
I'm in love

They don't know where to look
She's straight up off the hook
We all just fall in love with Alexandria
She's irresisistable
She's got this certain pull
She'll burn this city down, Alexandria!

The town winds down, the lights start to fade
But you can't stop now, that's not how you're made
Alexandria
I once asked how she got this way
She just laughed and she walked away
I'm in love

Song #29: Be Free

There's always another side to the story.

A friend of mine this week reminded me that most "lost love" songs are from the perspective of the one who has been broken up with. What about the one who had to do the heartbreaking?

We often think that the one who ended things is in control and walks off mostly unscathed, but that is far from the truth. It can be a hot mess of emotions for both parties. The irony is - the singer here doesn't hate the person he's breaking up with... not at all. There's still genuine love and concern for the one he's leaving behind. But he also senses that it's not right enough to continue, even as the other person is trying everything they can to keep it from dying.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

don't let yourself believe
this is all easy on me
just because I'm the one who chose to leave
doesn't mean that I missed out on all the guilt and the grief

I don't want to be cold but I'm all ice
'cause if I let you in or even just be nice
you get your hopes up
and we both know
that this ain't right
so if it has to be me: I love you, be free

the truth is it was killing me to stay
so for now, dear, this is the only way
and though I've nothing bad to say
there's some walls I'm going to have to put into place

I don't want to be cold but I'm all ice
'cause if I let you in or just even be nice
you get your hopes up
and we both know
that this isn't right
and if it has to be me: I love you, be free

I don't think you're listening to me: I'm done
it was not meant to be, though we had fun
maybe one day you'll see: I still love you...

be free...

Song #28: Strange Love

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww!” [Jack Kerouac]

It's been said that the opposite of fear is love. And though it's human nature to make the majority of life decisions based (subtly) on fear, I've been lucky enough to know a handful of people who have chosen to live a life that is moved more by the power of love. These are the unique ones: those who march to a different drummer, those who swim against the current and who make their own way. We find ourselves attracted to these people because they do what most are afraid to do: buck convention and make the choice to live freely from passion, or a deep love for life, rather than from conditioning.

This is a strange, unusual little song for those who need the encouragement to live out of that kind of strange, unusual love.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

There's something in the way that we move
Something in the things that we choose
Like how we live as if there's nothing left to lose
That stirs them up inside
There's something in the way that we live
Something in the way that we give
The way we turned our backs and took our own path
That gives them hope for life

So let the haters be hatin'
This is the road that we're takin
It's not the path they created
Like hell, we just made it
like cheese we be gratin'
On all the nerves of the straight
But don't be jealous or fake it
We just used what we're made of

Watch us rock the stage we give everything we've got
We are everything you want, we are everything they're not
What are you afraid of? Would you like to join us?
So stand up make it known just what it is that you want
All we have is yours and all we have is fun
Then bury all that old stuff; come on now and join us
Those living with a strange love

Song #27: So Much

"The simplest things are often the truest." [Richard Bach]

LYRICS:

in place of all the things I don't say
here's a few words and chords that I know how to play
and a simple recourse
so I'll keep this short

there is so much I want to tell you
there is so much I need to say to you

don't know where to start, my thoughts aren't formed
just like a child with a thousand piece puzzle spilled out on the floor
but when the timing is right,
one day I'll sit you right down by my side because

there is so much I want to tell you
there is so much I need to say to you

there's my simple recourse
promised I'd keep it short, just know that

there is so much I want to tell you
there is so much I need to say to you

Song #26: I'm Ready

There's a lot going on in this song, but to me the essence of "I'm Ready" speaks to knowing that something isn't quite right but still being drawn to it. It's about making your bed in the confusion... the lure of the forbidden... the play between resistance and secretly longing to have your self-protective walls blasted through.

I was privileged this week to have worked with a cowriter - Orlando, FL artist, painter, model, yogini and all around beautiful soul Julie Sandifer, who penned these lyrics and helped in the creative process. Julie infuses wisdom and passion into all of her art, which is made obvious in these powerful words. If you would like to see more of Julie's work, click to visit her blog or paintings.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

so here I am again. ready. I think I'm ready.
who ever said that love was supposed to be so pure and healthy?
there's love in the chaos; love in the greedy need
how do we forget the past when the memories are so deep?

some hearts open slowly
mine is open freely
but it shuts quickly

I invite you in. you don't want me. you want in.
I can't want you - what is this?
simple it is not. fearless it is not. intense it is.

so here I am again. ready. I think I'm ready
turn me on. turn it off. i need both.
earthy, lusty, - more more more
stay close. encourage me to let go. my heart is full.

dedicated and all is love
somethings are not meant to be figured out, right love?
so tell me; I want you to tell me

I invite you in. you don't want me. you want in.
I can't want you - what is this?
simple it is not. fearless it is not. intense it is.

no symmetry, lovesick lover
be worthy. try harder.
you can't go wrong.
do more more more -

I invite you in. you don't want me. you want in.
I can't want you - what is this?
simple it is not. fearless it is not. intense it is.

so here I am again. ready. I think I'm ready.
I hope I never have to say goodbye.

Song #25: The King

"Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named, not good."
[John Milton]

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

Roll in the driveway
and place it in park
There isn't a light on
The house is all dark
There's nobody home
and I pretend it doesn't matter
but it does

No snoring little babies
tucked up under blankies
No one through the window
Or assuring embraces
No "I'm glad to see you"
and I pretend it's for a reason
but it's not

So I pour me a whisky
and get a little bit silly
because if I start to thinking
who knows where that will take me

I picked up my ink pen
to write up this song
and I just keep on writing
so the music won't stop
'cause when the music ain't playing
all I can hear is the fridge
and the dogs

So I toss back more whisky
before I start wondering if you miss me
And if this is how it's got to be
At least I can set myself free

This is a cell
My own private silent hell
This is my life, serving my time, these are my shackles
And here I am king
For as far as the eye can see this is my land,
and I am the king of an empty castle

So I strip down to nothing
and lie in my bed
there's a space on the mattress
there's a buzz in my head
The quiet gets louder
and I pretend it doesn't matter
but it does

This quiet gets louder
and I pretend it doesn't matter
but it does

Song #24: Ellipses

"It's so easy to think about love, to talk about love, to wish for love... but it's not always easy to recognize love, even when we hold it...
in our hands." [Jaka]

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

when words become ellipses
when knowing glances become kisses
you can't miss it
when all day long you listen
to dreams that say "you'll be his Mrs."
and oh the kisses
that's when you'll know

when you come home some evening
to find that love makes life worth living
are you kidding?
that's when you'll know

when you find that your guy
is quite unlike who came before
and in his presence you are not less, you are more

when you tell all your friends about him
and well up with pride because of who he is
it may be it
that's when you'll know

when words become ellipses
when knowing glances become kisses
you can't miss it
that's when you'll know