Reflections on One Love, One Year

“A bit of advice
Given to a young Native American
At the time of his initiation:
As you go the way of life,
You will see a great chasm. Jump.
It is not as wide as you think.”
― Joseph Campbell

One year ago I was standing at the foothills of a mountain. What was before me looked unscalable but for many reasons I knew I had to start my climb. A song a week was a daunting task indeed. I remember being asked early on if I thought I would make it and to be honest I wasn't quite sure. I often joked that "by around March" there was a chance I would be "licking the walls."

To my surprise, with inspiration around every corner and fueled by my love for writing and producing, after hundreds of hours stuck inside while my friends were out enjoying life, mentally taking the challenge one week at a time, I reached my goal. One love song a week, 52 in total, written and produced - for an entire year.

I learned a lot about love, a lot about myself, a lot about songwriting. I learned that even when you think the well is dry - if you push through - there is often something beautiful just on the other side of your resistance.

Many people have asked "What now?" First, over the next couple of months I am going to be reorganizing this site and while "One Love, One Year" will be a part of it, it will also include new music, in-depth reflections on my songs and songwriting and much more. I hope you'll stay with me for the next leg of this journey. I will be also doing some regional touring in the southeast, producing and writing for other artists and exploring several professional options.

Many thanks to all of you who have made this trek with me. I literally couldn't have done it without your support and feedback. I sincerely hope you've connected emotionally with these songs and maybe even worked through some of your own "stuff" because of them. Or... at the very least you've been entertained.

So now after a long and often difficult climb, here I stand at the top of the mountain. It is not the end of the hike, however. I've not written my final song; this is only the beginning. Here on this cliff I only have two options - retreat and be satisfied with my accomplishments... or jump. I don't know exactly where I'll land - how the future is going to unfold or where this music will lead - but I'll be damned if I've come this far to stop now. It's time to jump.

3... 2... 1...

Song #52: I Will

"Omnia vincit Amor" [Virgil]

Here we are: week 52, the sunset, the finish line, the final song. Next week I'll be back with a recap on One Love, One Year but this week I'm going to refrain from saying too much and let this song speak for itself. I believe these lyrics, in their almost elementary simplicity, say enough.


LYRICS:

In your youth, dear, while you are able-
young and dancing upon the tables
I will be here
I will love you
I will

While you serve your purpose and live your passions
And share your love light with all the masses
I'll support you
I will love you
I will

When you need a challenge and a firm hand
or would rather be held, let me hold your head
I will lead you
I will love you
I will

When you can't do it and you need some help
When our bodies slow down with ailing health
I will be there
and I will love you
I will

And when we're old, dear, and it all fades
And you can no longer dance upon this stage
I will carry you
I will carry you
I will

Hey! Tickle Your OWN Ivories!

This week's song - #51 "La Pelea" - is a modern classical piano composition that flirts with jazz and dabbles in Rachmaninoff-esque large chords and low ocatve stabs. In case there were any pianists among you, I decided to throw up the score for this piece and encourage you to have a go at it. Enjoy!

Click here to download the 3-page PDF (Right-click, "Save As...")

Song #51: La Pelea

"Music expresses that which cannot be said and on which it is impossible to be silent." [Victor Hugo]

Having covered a wide spectrum of genres and textures in "One Love, One Year," as I begin to bring it to a close I find there are still infinite ways that music can speak to us about love. Sometimes - maybe many times - raw, composed, instrumental music can express depths that lyrics and sung words cannot quite reach.

This week I dusted off a classical piano piece that I spent many, many hours composing years ago and finished it up to incorporate into this project. As with anything of this nature, it is open to a variety of interpretations, but to me this piece speaks to love as a sort of violent, yet sweetly playful tussle -- often oscillating between order and chaos, majesty and misery, clarity and confusion.

"The inexpressible depth of music, so easy to understand and yet so inexplicable, is due to the fact that it reproduces all the emotions of our innermost being..." [Oliver Sacks]

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Song #50: Deranged

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Most people think of love as full of light, joy and positivity. But there is a darker side, that of obsession, craving, intense desire and even torment. Not that those are "bad" things; they are in fact quite delicious... a "burning, yearning devotion" that is felt very deeply.

I don't know whether my mind was subconsciously picking up on all the spooky vibes this time of year or whether it's a cool coincidence, but the fact that Halloween is this week makes this song's lyrics and musical vibe timely and appropriate. Happy Halloween, y'all. I don't have any candy but here's a song for you...

PLAY:

LYRICS:

i am affected, call it wrecked, kid
i am obsessively, madly out of my he-ead
i'm goin' crazy, the way she slays me
i'd make u jealous if I told you how she plays me

it keeps building and building and building up,
and now the volcano's about to erupt
bewitching; she's got me wishing
for an end to all the love spells that she's dishing

what sort of cosmic commotion did i make to deserve this
(that) even when she's gone i am haunted by her ghost?
a boon to give my life back; resurrect my heart
she's a goddess or a demon and either way i'm toast

i'm not superstitious but the jist is
she is enchanting and magically delicious
where did she come from? man I don't know
maybe above... maybe below...

i'm unhinged, unzipped, unbalanced, unglued,
she drives a brother batty and I think that I'm screwed
but i like it, i'll take the pain,
even if i end up quite deranged

Song #49: The Painting

Some time back one of my friends sent me this image - Gustav Klimt's The Kiss - as a sort of inspiration for my "One Love, One Year" songwriting project. I found so much going on and so much emotion in such a simple scene - the kind of rapture that is both passionate as well as sweet. I've since looked at this painting as a sort of target, wanting to aim for nothing less in my personal life.

As for the song, it is very simple and this recording is a bit raw and unpolished... but due to the unassuming nature of my subject, I kind of wanted to keep it that way.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

him left, her right
a soft kindled fire just about to ignite
her swoon, his lead
a hand on the back of her head, fingers on her cheek

i pictured the people in the painting
with envy and disbelief, as merely a fantasy
but now that we're the people in the painting
it turns out that they were right,
love turns gold when it reflects the light

him above, her beneath
face painted warmly with a tender ecstasy
soft curves, hard lines
merge into something that is quite undefined

Song #48: Take Everything

The essence of "Take Everything" is the offering of oneself as a gift to a partner. This could be seen as a purely sexual song, but my intentions were far wider. This type of offering isn't of the self-effacing variety that is born out of weakness - where one is depleting him/herself as a way to solicit approval. Rather it is an invitation from strength, where no matter how much is taken, one's fullness remains. That takes art and mastery, but I believe it is possible.

as deep as deep as deep as deep as you want to go
it goes down deeper, come on in, seeker
it's free, it's free, it's free, it's free, for just you alone
drink all you want to, i know that you want to

take all that you need
here lies the banquet feast
only when you're full can you leave

i want you to have it all
take anything
take everything
push until you've hit your wall
and see that i
have lost nothing

i pour and pour and pour and pour
'till you get your fill
but that doesn't phase me, it's all for your taking
so take and take and take and take
'til you can't take more
i promise you baby, won't stop 'till you're shaking

Song #47: More

"Believe you deserve everything you dream about." -Anon

This track is yet another change in pace - a sensual, haunting downtempo piece about receiving more than you can ask or imagine.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

is it too bold to say
my life has been changed
all from the way
that you have made me believe?
it makes no sense to pray
when something so great
something I can't explain
is more than this mind could conceive

is there more?
pick me off the floor
could I take any more?
i can't wait to see

what i see you see
when i breathe you breathe
when i take the lead
you melt right into me
could you tell me again
where i end, where you begin
and i can't believe
it's happening

is there more?
pick me off the floor
could I take any more?
i can't wait to see

Song #46: Whatever the Dream

"Life is just a funny dream,
and someday I'll share this dream with you..."
[Trey Anastasio, Ether Sunday] 

This week I had the pleasure of cowriting with friend/manager/bandmate Tom Crenshaw, reworking one of his poems into a psychadelic, George Harrison-esque song of hope, cycles and new beginnings.

*Painting by Marc Chagall

PLAY:

LYRICS:

I've been trying to find you,
trying to find you
You've been trying to find me,
trying to find me
All that I'm searching for - is searching for me
trust and we'll see

There's a season to come
a season to come
Rain, it follows the sun
follows the sun
Sunshine follows the rain, night into day
trust in this way

And if I had dreamed this differently
would it be any easier to believe?

Let whatever may come
whatever may come
Dream whatever the dream
whatever the dream
Close and yet far away, near as the end
to where we begin...

And if I had dreamed this differently
would it be any easier to believe?

Song #45: Fireball

I knew that I had come face to face with someone whose mere personality was so fascinating that, if I allowed it to do so, it would absorb my whole nature, my whole soul, my very art itself.
[Oscar Wilde]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

There are thousands of beautiful girls, thousands of shallow pools,
but with her it's different, with her - she's endlessly cool
I think about her all of the time, I recognize the worth in her eyes
And each time we connect we go deeper than we thought we could

She's a fireball, a tempest storm, but I won't quit, no
'Cause I am up for the challenge, gonna show her I can handle it
So let's go, let's go

I had started to lose faith in the world,
didn't think that it made this kind of girl
But then she came out of nowhere and changed up all of the rules
It is gonna take a strong kind of man,
To stand firm while she does her dance
And while others couldn't make it, I am gonna prove that I can

She's a fireball, a tempest storm, but I won't quit, no
'Cause I am up for the challenge, gonna show her I can handle it
So let's go, let's go

I'm longing
to know her heart, to love her flaws,
to touch her body, to shatter her walls
I am all the way in, I won't flinch,
she's worth the fight, she's worth my time,
when you're given a gift, you treat it right

She's a fireball, a tempest storm, but I won't quit, no
'Cause I am up for the challenge, gonna show her I can handle it
So let's go, what are we waiting for?

Song #44: What's Up Now?

"Living well is the best revenge." [George Herbert]

Earlier this year I traveled to Atlanta for an intensive three-day beat making session with musician Joe Aielli. While there we programmed several pop tracks and we've been sitting on this song ever since. This week I decided to write some fun revenge lyrics and finally produce the vocal tracks. Cheers--

LYRICS:

Thought that I wouldn't get on living?
Thought I might be down for the count?
Thought that I wouldn't find the strength to get back up on my feet?
How do you like me now?

Well it just goes to show that you didn't know
what I had inside to get on with my life,
I'm makin' them all say 'Wow!', so what's up now?
You left me behind but one day you'll find
it ain't much fun when I'm number one,
the talk all over town. So what's up now?

When push comes to shove I'm a fighter
I've been down but I got up
And I climbed to the top and I didn't stop,
all beat up, but still on top,
So, how do you like me now?

Well it just goes to show that you didn't know
What I had inside to get on with my life,
I'm makin' them all say 'Wow!', so what's up now?
You left me behind but one day you'll find
it ain't much fun when I'm number one,
the talk all over town. So what's up now?

A little bigger than life and look all the eyes are all on me now
And you thought I'd stay down but I'm back with a sound, so what's up now?
Now I hear you tell your friends that you're sad it's the end
I don't mean to offend, but honey now that you've come 'round,
that door's closed down

Well it just goes to show that you didn't know
What I had inside to get on with my life,
I'm makin' them all say 'Wow!', so what's up now?
You left me behind but one day you'll find
it ain't much fun when I'm number one,
the talk all over town. So what's up now?

Song #43: What We Want

I received an email this week from someone* talking about how "failed" relationships help us to know what it is we truly want moving forward. But more than that, that what we think we want is often a fantasy, a phantom created by our minds. When we're open to new experiences and opportunities, reality has the opportunity to blow away our preconceived ideas.

* Chorus and additional lyrics co-written by Julie Rae Sandifer

PLAY:

LYRICS:

We have been building it up
We hope for something that isn't
We think we know what we want
That is until we get it

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet
What we want we will know once we experience it

We'll never get what we want
As long as we think we need it
The only way it will come
Is if instead we choose to give it (and give it, and give it)

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet
What we want we will know once we experience it

And all of these moments, all of these people, they're teaching us lessons
they tell us more who we are, what's truly important,
they help us measure in seconds… not minutes… or hours

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet
What we want we will know once we've experienced it

Song #42: Disappear

"A mighty pain to love it is,
And 'tis a pain that pain to miss;
But of all pains, the greatest pain
It is to love, but love in vain."
[Abraham Cowley]

LYRICS:

Look at me,
I've got my shit together
I am a winner, a picture of health
but what no one sees deep below the surface
is a cavern, the cold hard walls of a well

For a time I was better, well on my way
A little bit stronger, a little more life each day
But all the momentum I thought I had gained
slows to a halt when someone speaks your name

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

When you both live in the same small town
You can't help but see each other around
I have that old crusty wound that almost heals
But then I catch your eyes and it all at once starts to peel

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

As much as I would like to move on,
it ain't happening
But if I can pretend that you're gone,
there's a respite from all the battling in my mind

Sometimes I wish you'd disappear
So maybe, maybe I could find peace this year
But I know as sure as I sit here
That I don't mean it

...but most times I wish you'd just appear
And wreck all of my plans for this year
Cause when I said my love was sincere
Well, I still mean it

Song #41: Like a Bee Sting

After a few weeks of reflective heart-churners, I wanted to turn the tables this week and let loose. Musically this is one of the most hard-rocking songs of this entire project. Lyrically I chose the darker themes of coercion and manipulation to match the tone of the music. Crank it up... just don't come complaining to me if your head explodes.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

Cry, try and brush her shoulder
Sigh, make sure that she sees
Lie, force her in the picture
Just try and get back anything

Put it in a box and make sure that it fits
You say you want the best
but you've got a funny way of showin' it

Die, if you want attention
Why, can't they all just see
Buy your way back in the picture
Force her into shock like a bee sting

Song #40: (Stay In Your) Embrace

"Millions and millions of years would still not give me half enough time to describe that tiny instant of all eternity when you put your arms around me and I put my arms around you."
[Jacques Prévert, poet/screenwriter]

As Mr. Prévert says, there is nothing quite like the closeness and intimacy found in lingering in timeless, affectionate embraces. Still, at some point you've gotta get up and get back to living. This song suggests the romantic notion that even though apart, you're still held in that person's embrace.

The lyrics this week were co-written by writer/actor/artist (and good friend) Benjamin Madrid, whose poem (Stay In Your Embrace) provided the inspiration - and many of the lines - for this song.

Musically this track is a throw-back to the 80's radio pop ballads that many of us grew up with (a la Genesis / Phil Collins / Peter Gabriel). It just might transport you back to 1986 if you're not careful...

PLAY:

LYRICS:

Sometimes in your embrace
I leave my body and walk outside,
Peer in the window, watch us lying face to face
Faded lines remain where the tears have dried

I could take that scene anywhere
The room could change all over
the outside of it too
Another house, another city, it doesn't matter, there's you
The distances between are only lies

Let's get to dancing
We can't always lay around
But now that I know what I have found
I'll walk the wire and not look down
As long as I can still
Stay in your embrace

We can let the aging take it's toll
Watch my hair turn grey, I'll watch your skin turn old
Another time, another setting, it doesn't matter I'm told
When you're hanging on so tight you can't let go

Song #39: Namaste

It seems to me that the people who have the most success in their relationships don't just have love for their intimate partners, but for everyone and all things. Love, for them, is central to their identity and actions; their way of relating to the world they live in.

As folks familiar with yoga and/or Indian culture may know, the term Namaste is a greeting from India that is roughly translated as "the light in me recognizes (or bows to) the light in you." With that in mind, here's a song for those who are open to the love/light that is all around us.

PLAY:

LYRICS:

she wonders:
"why let ancient myths and legends tell you who you are?"
when none of these things truly resonate
within her heart

Since day one she's always been told
she's never been - at her core -
never been good enough
everyone outside of her is telling her
that what's inside of her and every man
is darkness

but when she looks all around
all she sees is alright
she finds goodness and uncorrupted love
within all

Namaste
Namaste
Namaste
the light in me is the light in you

he wonders:
"why give people shit just because of the way they are?"
he hears stories of oppression
and they break his childlike heart

'Cause when he looks all around
all he sees is all one
he finds goodness and uncorrupted love
within all

Namaste
Namaste
Namaste
the light in me is the light in you

the light in me is the light in you
the love in me is the love in you
the heart in me is the heart in you
the light in me is the light in you

Song #38: Known

"Known" is a simple little song juxtaposing the desire to be loved with the desire to give love. Because of its atypical form you could maybe say it's more of a short tone poem than a pop song.

LYRICS:

to be known
to be loved
to be cherished
to be witnessed
to have someone
that knows your soul
knows your weakness
knows your deepness
to be understood
to know you count
to be lost
and then be found
to be held close
to be let go
to be known

to be the one that knows
to be love
and to cherish
and to witness
to have someone
whose mind you blow
despite their weakness
and from your deepness
to understand
to show they count
and when they're lost
search 'till they're found
to know when to hold
when to let go
to be the one that knows

Song #37: Always

I was browsing some work by Chilean poet Pablo Neruda this week and came across his piece "Always." It spoke of acceptance, forgiveness, patience and desire and I found myself blown away by how much depth was communicated in a few simple words. Although it was not my intention to add anything to his poem or write a companion song, I did use it as inspiration and borrowed several of the ideas and images for this week's song.

See Pablo Neruda's "Always" here. 

PLAY:

CLICK HERE to download this song for free

LYRICS:

everyone has their story
all the people they carry
on their shoulders, in their hair
scores of lovers and families
children born and dead buried
and the fear you think I care

bring it all to where i'm waiting for you

there's wake of destruction
behind every someone
it's just the way it is
so you can come as you are, dear
wear it proud like a scar, dear
it's just the way it is

bring it all to where i'm waiting for you

and in this holy union
watch the fire burn up all that lied in ruins
and we will stand, alone,
always

Song #36: Bliss (You Take Me There)

Love has the capability of taking us - or rather opening us - further than we could ever hope to go on our own.

PLAY:

CLICK HERE to download this song for free

LYRICS:

There's a bliss that most will never know
There's a depth that most will never go
There's a place for which the angels groan
Now I know, I know

You take me there

There's a touch, makes me glad to be alive
There's a path into the heart of God
There's a taste thick like the richest spice
Now I know, I know

You take me there

Going deeper, pure surrender
Going deeper, pure surrender

You take me there

Song #35: Home

“Home is a name, a word, it is a strong one; stronger than magician ever spoke, or spirit ever answered to, in the strongest conjuration.” [Charles Dickens]

This weekend I had the pleasure of hosting four old friends - Laura, David, Kevin and Lydia - in my home. It was suggested that we write my 'love song' this week as a creative collective - with others pitching in on the writing and recording of the track. I thought it was a great idea and enjoyed turning over the reigns to see what we may come up with as a group. The process was great fun and resulted in something that is quite different than anything I've done so far in One Love, One Year. Enjoy!

PLAY:

CLICK HERE to download this song for free

LYRICS:

Sat upon the window sill, waiting for the morning light
A dream fresh in my mind, waiting for a pretty sight
Still asleep in my bed, your cheeks flushed red
Your tiny hands held a teddy bear
And the sun peaks through the humid air
of a day just begun
I will rise and we will go... home

We travel light with heavy hearts
our hands swing swift and far apart
My suitcase is full of empty things
you cherish like our wedding rings
And the sun peaks through the humid air
of a day carrying on
I will rise and we will go... home