Song #50: Deranged

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Most people think of love as full of light, joy and positivity. But there is a darker side, that of obsession, craving, intense desire and even torment. Not that those are "bad" things; they are in fact quite delicious... a "burning, yearning devotion" that is felt very deeply.

I don't know whether my mind was subconsciously picking up on all the spooky vibes this time of year or whether it's a cool coincidence, but the fact that Halloween is this week makes this song's lyrics and musical vibe timely and appropriate. Happy Halloween, y'all. I don't have any candy but here's a song for you...

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LYRICS:

i am affected, call it wrecked, kid
i am obsessively, madly out of my he-ead
i'm goin' crazy, the way she slays me
i'd make u jealous if I told you how she plays me

it keeps building and building and building up,
and now the volcano's about to erupt
bewitching; she's got me wishing
for an end to all the love spells that she's dishing

what sort of cosmic commotion did i make to deserve this
(that) even when she's gone i am haunted by her ghost?
a boon to give my life back; resurrect my heart
she's a goddess or a demon and either way i'm toast

i'm not superstitious but the jist is
she is enchanting and magically delicious
where did she come from? man I don't know
maybe above... maybe below...

i'm unhinged, unzipped, unbalanced, unglued,
she drives a brother batty and I think that I'm screwed
but i like it, i'll take the pain,
even if i end up quite deranged

Song #47: More

"Believe you deserve everything you dream about." -Anon

This track is yet another change in pace - a sensual, haunting downtempo piece about receiving more than you can ask or imagine.

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LYRICS:

is it too bold to say
my life has been changed
all from the way
that you have made me believe?
it makes no sense to pray
when something so great
something I can't explain
is more than this mind could conceive

is there more?
pick me off the floor
could I take any more?
i can't wait to see

what i see you see
when i breathe you breathe
when i take the lead
you melt right into me
could you tell me again
where i end, where you begin
and i can't believe
it's happening

is there more?
pick me off the floor
could I take any more?
i can't wait to see

Song #43: What We Want

I received an email this week from someone* talking about how "failed" relationships help us to know what it is we truly want moving forward. But more than that, that what we think we want is often a fantasy, a phantom created by our minds. When we're open to new experiences and opportunities, reality has the opportunity to blow away our preconceived ideas.

* Chorus and additional lyrics co-written by Julie Rae Sandifer

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LYRICS:

We have been building it up
We hope for something that isn't
We think we know what we want
That is until we get it

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet
What we want we will know once we experience it

We'll never get what we want
As long as we think we need it
The only way it will come
Is if instead we choose to give it (and give it, and give it)

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet
What we want we will know once we experience it

And all of these moments, all of these people, they're teaching us lessons
they tell us more who we are, what's truly important,
they help us measure in seconds… not minutes… or hours

For it's an illusion that doesn't exist yet
What we want we will know once we've experienced it

Song #38: Known

"Known" is a simple little song juxtaposing the desire to be loved with the desire to give love. Because of its atypical form you could maybe say it's more of a short tone poem than a pop song.

LYRICS:

to be known
to be loved
to be cherished
to be witnessed
to have someone
that knows your soul
knows your weakness
knows your deepness
to be understood
to know you count
to be lost
and then be found
to be held close
to be let go
to be known

to be the one that knows
to be love
and to cherish
and to witness
to have someone
whose mind you blow
despite their weakness
and from your deepness
to understand
to show they count
and when they're lost
search 'till they're found
to know when to hold
when to let go
to be the one that knows

Song #37: Always

I was browsing some work by Chilean poet Pablo Neruda this week and came across his piece "Always." It spoke of acceptance, forgiveness, patience and desire and I found myself blown away by how much depth was communicated in a few simple words. Although it was not my intention to add anything to his poem or write a companion song, I did use it as inspiration and borrowed several of the ideas and images for this week's song.

See Pablo Neruda's "Always" here. 

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

everyone has their story
all the people they carry
on their shoulders, in their hair
scores of lovers and families
children born and dead buried
and the fear you think I care

bring it all to where i'm waiting for you

there's wake of destruction
behind every someone
it's just the way it is
so you can come as you are, dear
wear it proud like a scar, dear
it's just the way it is

bring it all to where i'm waiting for you

and in this holy union
watch the fire burn up all that lied in ruins
and we will stand, alone,
always

Song #32: Time of Day

This week's song is more of a style experiment than anything. I very much enjoy listening to a lot of Oldies and classic R&B and so I thought I'd enjoy writing my own modern spin on those genres. There's nothing profound in the least about these lyrics but that too was keeping in form (most of those old songs are really simple). This one's just for fun.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

You walk by me everyday
walking in your freedom
And I can't help but imagine the day
you give me all your lovin'

I can't help it I'm falling for you
Dream of all the crazy things we would do
But you don't even give me the time of day

You move ways that drive a man wild,
But only give resistance
Tight pants, tight shirt, show off your style,
but keep 'em at a distance

I can't help it I'm falling for you
Give me one shot, you'll want me too
But you don't even give me the time of day

I sure hope you don't get pissed
But it's past time you know I exist

I can't help it I'm falling for you
Dream of all the naughty things we would do
But you don't even give me the time of day

Song #31: Alexandria

"Well behaved women seldom make history." [Laurel Thatcher Ulrich]

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LYRICS:

You blaze ways with a smile on your face
And when we reach downtown you reach for the paint
Alexandria
The street musicians all know your name
And the gamble is certainly worth the game
I'm in love

They don't know where to look
She's straight up off the hook
We all just fall in love with Alexandria
She's irresisistable
She's got this certain pull
She'll burn this city down, Alexandria!

The town winds down, the lights start to fade
But you can't stop now, that's not how you're made
Alexandria
I once asked how she got this way
She just laughed and she walked away
I'm in love

Song #30: Unbound

"There are two kinds of strengths: the strength to lead, and the strength to follow; the strength to control, and the strength yield. There are two kinds of power: the power to strip away another's soul bare, and the power to stand naked." [Yaldah Tovah]

LYRICS:

Her hand pierces the atmosphere
Her body's below the ground
Screaming and kicking for some air
No one hears a sound
An angel appears before her there
And pins her to the ground
Screaming and kicking for some air
The earth's at last unbound

Follow my hand, I will lead you
Put you in the places I need to
To know you even better than you do

Birds and planes falling from the air
She's taken by the force
A sharp surrender, a fist of hair
She trusts a little more
Drinking deep from the cup of life
A kiss becomes a vow
We know the edge but we walk the line
All time melts into now

Song #21: You (Don't) Complete Me

While it's a romantic notion to consider someone as your "other half", I wonder if that's the healthiest way to live out your days with someone, Jerry Maguire. If a significant other is where you go for soul-level fulfillment or to fill an incomplete void in you, that's a scary setup for both parties and tees the ball up for some major disappointment sooner or later. You've got to find that outside and then re-enter the relationship with strength and an attitude that says "I'm here to give" - otherwise it's just need and codependency and all that messy stuff.

**In order to give credit where it is due, the lyric "You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat" was my inspiration for this song and was penned by writer and good buddy Benjamin Madrid. He blogs song lyrics and other musings HERE - go check him out.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

You, you don't complete me
But you completely light up my sky
You, you don't fulfill me
But, girl, you thrill me every night

I chose you out of my strength, not out of need
You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat

And everything you are to me is so good,
But I've got a confession
The only way I'm every thing I am to you
Is 'cause I've got a bigger mission

You, you don't make me,
But we'll be ok, see?
Because it's right
It's true that you relieve me
But if you must leave me
I'll be just fine

I chose you out of my strength, not out of need
You make my heart skip, but you don't make it beat

And everything you are to me is so good,
But I've got a confession
The only way I'm every thing I am to you
Is 'cause I've got a bigger mission

If there's a void inside your soul
Just know that I will never fill that hole

Song #19: Through the Eyes

So through the eyes love attains the heart:
for the eyes are the scouts of the heart,
and the eyes go reconnoitering
for what it would please the heart to possess.

[Guiraut De Borneilh]

I was introduced to this poem in Joseph Campbell's Power of Myth series. Its author, Guiraut De Borneilh, was considered the "Master of the Troubadors" - those musician-poets of the 12th century who are historically noted for romanticising love. It's such a beautiful and striking work that speaks deeply and poetically of what draws two individuals together. This week's song is a modern homage to this poem and the original songwriters of love. 

PLAY:



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LYRICS:

She dreamed of truly being seen
When she popped up on my fine-tuned radar screen
I watched her staring back at me
And what happened right then and there is a mystery

For as all true lovers know
It's in our eyes, it's through our eyes
Love is born in seeds of hope,
a perfect kindness
And that root will sprout and grow
Starts in our eyes, it's through our eyes
And this fruit will speak it so
within the silence

This gaze locked hers and that was it
As I mowed her back and through without a flinch
A heart slain, pierced; her deepest wish,
She coyly turned away, as in a kiss

Like a gift unto the heart
The eyes have whispered who you are
The heart draws near what once was far

Song #13: Dive In

"Natural forces flow between two poles. The north and south poles of the earth create a force of magnetism. The positive and negative poles of your electrical outlet or car battery create an electrical flow. In the same way, masculine and feminine poles between people create the flow of sexual polarity." {David Deida}

PLAY:



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LYRICS:

wet from the shower and dancing alone
she hops on the bed there and picks up her phone
she is pecking a text in and painting her toes
slick with a gloss that's between red and rose

she laughs easy and often; keeps herself in check
she can slay with a look, or endear with a kiss
she is certainly woman, a hot fired gun
a feminine blessing that glows like the sun

and somewhere deep within this man
where hunger, sex and power begin
a primal passion's begging me to merge

and dive in
and dive in

I'm a man, I'm not sorry; I am just what she needs
to blow her world open to places she's never been
and she knows she can't play me or fight till I fold
but like a haven or harbor, she is safe here - safe and at home

from somewhere deep within her heart
she breathes the strength that I impart
a passion stirs and begs her to merge

and dive in
and dive in

a force of passion arcs between
creates the sparks we feel and see
the you, the me become the we
we come together and dive in

and dive in
and dive in

Song #7: Home to You

The last few songs have been pretty thematically heavy, so this week I wanted to do something a little more light-hearted. Enjoy...

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LYRICS:

good morning sweetheart,
I hope you slept well
had to leave for work early,
didn't want you to worry,
but there is something that I wanted to tell you
because it's true:
that my favorite part of leaving every day is coming back home to you

I may be out there
on the other side of town
working hard in my office
with profits and losses
but all I'll be able to do is spend my time
thinking through
what I'm gonna do to you tonight when I return home to you

and just like this morning light
filters in through the blinds
and rests on your hips and closed eyes
I'm gonna be on you, when the day is through
so all day just keep that in mind

I die a little every day
to leave you there sleeping
it's just the world needs me
but before i go let me say:
you're way friggin' cute...
and this too: 
I just can't wait to see your smiling face when I get back home to you

see you tonight, lovely
hope this made you smile
and as you go through the day
know that not far away
some crazy fool thinks the world, the world of you,
yes, it's true
and that his favorite part of leaving every day is coming back home to you
it makes life worth livin' in the knowing I get to come back home to you

Song #5: I Want Love

"The natural man has only two primal passions, to get and beget."
[William Osler]

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LYRICS:

if I could be honest
if I could tell the truth
I am getting bothered
by the thought of you

just don't you forget
that I am a man
and I have needs too

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

so reach out and touch me
or I will make a move
I am right here, hungry
I have an ache to soothe

there just aren't words
to say how much I burn
but I'd be glad to show you

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

I am haunted by the scent
of the back of your neck
why are you so damn far away?
I feel like reaching out to you
and pouring me out
could you come over and stay?
why don't you come and stay?
'cause I need you now...

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

Song #4: Walk Away

Martin Luther once said, "What the heart desires, the will chooses and the mind justifies." Emotions are important; vital even. But they are a rather poor compass. There has to be a deeper truth that guides us. Furthermore, as my man Martin says, when we simply follow our feelings, we can justify just about anything... for a while anyway. I certainly know that from firsthand experience.

In "Walk Away" the singer is doing some hardcore UFC-style grappling with his ever-changing emotions. In this instance, he eventually decides to leave, allowing his feelings to triumph commitment. We're not told enough to judge if that was the right choice, but that's where he ends up. Perhaps I'll do another song as a response and alternate take on the subject in the future.

To be totally honest, I can't say I'm in love this song - the writing, style or delivery. But that's the nature of forcing myself to birth something new in a few short hours a week.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

like a midwestern fall
I can't trust this at all
watch it rise and then fall
this fickle, feeble feeling of love

yes, we've all felt the burn
only to watch it turn
I think I'm starting to learn
this ain't what good decisions are made of

but what will sustain
when all that remains
is old memories and pain?
things just aren't the same
should I just walk away?

when did things turn around?
I can't quite break it down
all I can seem to hear now
are echoes of long-forgotten lovers

they all say follow your heart
well that's straight tearing me apart
this isn't science, it's art
and all these questions now make me wonder:

what will sustain
when all that remains
is old memories and pain?
things just aren't the same
should I just walk away?

What this heart wants,
I will get, don't you ever forget

what will sustain
when all that remains
is old memories and pain?
things just aren't the same

Why should I stay
When nothing will change?
It's time I go my own way
and do it today
I should just walk away