Song #25: The King

"Loneliness is the first thing which God's eye named, not good."
[John Milton]

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LYRICS:

Roll in the driveway
and place it in park
There isn't a light on
The house is all dark
There's nobody home
and I pretend it doesn't matter
but it does

No snoring little babies
tucked up under blankies
No one through the window
Or assuring embraces
No "I'm glad to see you"
and I pretend it's for a reason
but it's not

So I pour me a whisky
and get a little bit silly
because if I start to thinking
who knows where that will take me

I picked up my ink pen
to write up this song
and I just keep on writing
so the music won't stop
'cause when the music ain't playing
all I can hear is the fridge
and the dogs

So I toss back more whisky
before I start wondering if you miss me
And if this is how it's got to be
At least I can set myself free

This is a cell
My own private silent hell
This is my life, serving my time, these are my shackles
And here I am king
For as far as the eye can see this is my land,
and I am the king of an empty castle

So I strip down to nothing
and lie in my bed
there's a space on the mattress
there's a buzz in my head
The quiet gets louder
and I pretend it doesn't matter
but it does

This quiet gets louder
and I pretend it doesn't matter
but it does

Song #14: It's Ok

I've always found it odd to see a couple who were once crazy for one another grow to become enemies in the end. No doubt there are often real reasons for that, but just as often that rage is simply a defense mechanism. After all, if a scorned lover's feelings are not reciprocated, it's easier to demonize the other person than to live with the pain of rejection.

Thankfully at this point in my life, this isn't my personal reality. But I really had fun this week climbing into this character's shoes and stirring up some longing mixed with gritty vindictiveness. And for some reason with this theme I felt the need to set it to a 60's R&B style - complete with flute and strings.

Waiter, I'll have a plate of Unrequited Love with a side of Bitterness. ;-)

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LYRICS:

it's ok, I get it
this is all for the best
we're just growing in different directions
it is what it is... (I guess...)

you deserve to be happy (you tell me all the time)
I deserve to be blessed
we'll just do that in separate locations
from now on... (I guess...)

you have given me your thousand reasons why
we should now give up the fight
but I... oh I

I don't know how to give up on you
I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through
but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye
thanks for making that easy to do

no it's ok I'm not bitter
I'm ok, can't you tell?
(it's just the fruit of your vine makes me break out in hives,
and with each passing day I get colder as well)

see I have learned that just to get by
to only look at those things that I don't like

I don't know how to give up on you
I just can't put this love up on a shelf as if I'm through
but I guess that it's time to tell you goodbye
'cause you're making that easy to do

it's ok, I get it
I'm ok, can't you tell?

Song #5: I Want Love

"The natural man has only two primal passions, to get and beget."
[William Osler]

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LYRICS:

if I could be honest
if I could tell the truth
I am getting bothered
by the thought of you

just don't you forget
that I am a man
and I have needs too

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

so reach out and touch me
or I will make a move
I am right here, hungry
I have an ache to soothe

there just aren't words
to say how much I burn
but I'd be glad to show you

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

I am haunted by the scent
of the back of your neck
why are you so damn far away?
I feel like reaching out to you
and pouring me out
could you come over and stay?
why don't you come and stay?
'cause I need you now...

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

Song #2: Alone

"One is the loneliest number..."

What I find most interesting about "Alone" is not the way in which the character "uses" love, but that he's self-aware enough to be doing so consciously. A rather somber exploration of isolation, loneliness and loss of identity.

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LYRICS:

One love that started to fade
He moved towards her and she moved further away
Now he's left standing

He's never known himself all alone
When she's gone, he doesn't know
who he is

"I loved you for who that made me
And I know that that's not healthy
Oh God, no... it seems I don't like me
when I'm left standing alone"

As long as there's her, it masks all the pain
Devious voices inside, they whisper his name
In deafening silence

Now without, his head in his hands,
Forced to peek inside  
at the dragons within

"I loved all them because they saved me
And I know that that's not healthy
But still though, I need them to like me
I can't stand being alone"

Now what is this?
New eyes look his way
He feels again, his worth from within
He's got his fix, there's fire in his veins
He knows again he's claimed
And everything's OK

"I love you because you'll take me
And I know that that's not healthy
But just hold me and don't you leave me
Anything but just not alone"