Song #6: The Attic

"Anything worthwhile takes effort."

One of the easiest traps to fall into in life is that slow disintegration into drifting. You know what I mean: it's that place of cruise-control, of reacting instead of acting, of going through the motions. Unless we consciously intend to live and love "on purpose", gravity tends to pulls us into that old sinkhole time and again.

Sometimes we're fortunate enough to get a wake-up call - whether that comes from some sort of internal a-ha moment or perhaps more commonly from an unexpected outside event. In "The Attic", the narrator has just such an experience after stumbling across a box of momentos that had been tucked away.

Musically, this song is a bit unorthodox and experimental. It doesn't follow a normal song format, nor does it really have a hook or even a real chorus. Maybe we could best describe it as "a short story set to music."

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LYRICS:

brown banged up boxes,
all taped and stacked up
pull one to the ground
and blow off the dust
let's see what I can find...

well, here's that old album
with pictures of us
and scraps of old letters
professing our love
the remnants of a life

I can see what we had
but look how I've been
I guess I just didn't feel prepared for this
It's all passing me by

it's said, life is what happens while we make our plans
remember when we said we'd always hold hands?
(but) the urgent trumped the day, and exhaustion, the night

my God, I have been entrusted with so very much
it's lovely and good but I didn't keep up
somewhere we got lost and failed to try

I can see what we had
but I know what I've been
I guess I just didn't feel prepared for this
somewhere I got lost and failed to try

----

well no more, no more
from here on I put my best foot forward
I don't want to take you for granted
well no more, no more
it's time that my own heart I restore
I don't want to take you for granted, again

tonight when I see you I'm gonna ask you to dance
and show you I still have the time for romance
I'm still amazed and you should know it

so I restack the box and climb back down the stairs
and find myself grateful for all that we've shared
you have my heart and it's past time I show it

Song #5: I Want Love

"The natural man has only two primal passions, to get and beget."
[William Osler]

PLAY:

LYRICS:

if I could be honest
if I could tell the truth
I am getting bothered
by the thought of you

just don't you forget
that I am a man
and I have needs too

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

so reach out and touch me
or I will make a move
I am right here, hungry
I have an ache to soothe

there just aren't words
to say how much I burn
but I'd be glad to show you

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

I am haunted by the scent
of the back of your neck
why are you so damn far away?
I feel like reaching out to you
and pouring me out
could you come over and stay?
why don't you come and stay?
'cause I need you now...

I need love, love, love
give me love, love, love
I want love, love, love
from you

Song #4: Walk Away

Martin Luther once said, "What the heart desires, the will chooses and the mind justifies." Emotions are important; vital even. But they are a rather poor compass. There has to be a deeper truth that guides us. Furthermore, as my man Martin says, when we simply follow our feelings, we can justify just about anything... for a while anyway. I certainly know that from firsthand experience.

In "Walk Away" the singer is doing some hardcore UFC-style grappling with his ever-changing emotions. In this instance, he eventually decides to leave, allowing his feelings to triumph commitment. We're not told enough to judge if that was the right choice, but that's where he ends up. Perhaps I'll do another song as a response and alternate take on the subject in the future.

To be totally honest, I can't say I'm in love this song - the writing, style or delivery. But that's the nature of forcing myself to birth something new in a few short hours a week.

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

like a midwestern fall
I can't trust this at all
watch it rise and then fall
this fickle, feeble feeling of love

yes, we've all felt the burn
only to watch it turn
I think I'm starting to learn
this ain't what good decisions are made of

but what will sustain
when all that remains
is old memories and pain?
things just aren't the same
should I just walk away?

when did things turn around?
I can't quite break it down
all I can seem to hear now
are echoes of long-forgotten lovers

they all say follow your heart
well that's straight tearing me apart
this isn't science, it's art
and all these questions now make me wonder:

what will sustain
when all that remains
is old memories and pain?
things just aren't the same
should I just walk away?

What this heart wants,
I will get, don't you ever forget

what will sustain
when all that remains
is old memories and pain?
things just aren't the same

Why should I stay
When nothing will change?
It's time I go my own way
and do it today
I should just walk away

Song #2: Alone

"One is the loneliest number..."

What I find most interesting about "Alone" is not the way in which the character "uses" love, but that he's self-aware enough to be doing so consciously. A rather somber exploration of isolation, loneliness and loss of identity.

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LYRICS:

One love that started to fade
He moved towards her and she moved further away
Now he's left standing

He's never known himself all alone
When she's gone, he doesn't know
who he is

"I loved you for who that made me
And I know that that's not healthy
Oh God, no... it seems I don't like me
when I'm left standing alone"

As long as there's her, it masks all the pain
Devious voices inside, they whisper his name
In deafening silence

Now without, his head in his hands,
Forced to peek inside  
at the dragons within

"I loved all them because they saved me
And I know that that's not healthy
But still though, I need them to like me
I can't stand being alone"

Now what is this?
New eyes look his way
He feels again, his worth from within
He's got his fix, there's fire in his veins
He knows again he's claimed
And everything's OK

"I love you because you'll take me
And I know that that's not healthy
But just hold me and don't you leave me
Anything but just not alone"

Song #1: Witness

We all want to be seen. A woman, especially, wants to be noticed, known, understood. This is ultimately the purpose of a relationship: to co-create life; to partake in life's depth of experiences with another. As Christopher McCandless said in Into the Wild:

Happiness is not real unless it is shared...

PLAY:

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LYRICS:

there will be times
times when you cry
when find yourself alone in the night

there will be days
when your beautiful smile
will light up the night sky like a fire

there will be days
with all you hold inside
you'll long for a man      
to come along your side
and that's where you'll find me
I want to be the witness to your life

when that old movie makes you laugh
when you can't believe what you've just seen
when you have a dream that no else believes in

when your heart, it takes a hit
when you just don't give a shit
when you look at your life wonder, "Is this it?"

there will be days
with all you hold inside
you'll long for a man      
to come along your side
and that's where you'll find me
I want to be the witness to your life

you are seen
you are noticed by me
you are lovely

when you slide on that dress
and fix your hair just right
when you spend all that effort and that time

I want to be there right behind you
look in the mirror and smile too
and gently whisper, "sexy girl you're fine,
you're beautiful and I'm proud to call you mine
I'm so lucky; I get to be the witness to your life"